Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
