belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
