I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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