ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
