Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
