1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So much rum. So many feels.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
