I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
