Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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