I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
