I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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