Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
