I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
