can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
