Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
