in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
