Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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