Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
