I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
