Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
