I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
