Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
