Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
