Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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