That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't deserve a penis
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
