Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
