You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
