Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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