I hope mine doesn't look like that
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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