remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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