at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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