To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
