just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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