apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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