3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
