did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
