Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
