Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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