Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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