i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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