For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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