if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
