Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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