she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
