Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
