Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
