I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
