he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
