it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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