i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
