They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
