I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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