i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You pole danced in your parka.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
