smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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