But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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